There's a subtle change in my header. I've added "over-50" to it. But it's not a subtle change in my life. It looms over me every day, aware of my mortality.
It's not anything deep, really. It started out with the number of white hairs I'm getting. I still have mostly black hair, but the sprouting of white hairs in my hairline is becoming more prominent. Then, as I sat at my vanity with the magnifying mirror, I noticed now different my skin is. Suddenly. Sags. Bags. And the full-length mirror? Flat where it used to be pert.
I heard a comedian late one night on TV riffing on being east Asian. He said that Asian women look exactly the same for decades - then BANG! they get old. It's true. I know a lot of Asian women accept this "mature" status - of becoming the "Ajumma." That's what a young person calls an older woman. Ajumma is permed hair and ankle socks. Ajumma is a floral dress and shuffling steps. Ajumma is the lady selling noodle dishes at the stand. It's the "Ma'am" of Korean. That word makes me shudder. All my life, I looked young for my age. Now, I actually look my age. And I don't like it. One bit.
Some of you may think it's alright, even laudable to see those Hollywood types get filled, plugged, sliced and spliced to look young. To me, it's slightly ridiculous to hold onto your youth when that train left the station a loooong time ago. When I do my Fashion Fridays or What I Wore Wednesdays, I'm always wondering how not to look ridiculous, if I'm trying too hard.
Now, as the weather turns warm and we have these unusual high-70s weather, I wonder -- can I wear shorts? Cuz the latest thing?
My KNEES are wrinkled.
Maybe what I should do is stop looking at my knees and get ON my knees.
*grandma in Korean