11.24.2009

Innappropriate

This is a comment I made on someone else's blog awhile ago.  Looking back on it, it was totally the wrong place to share this. (hang my head in shame)  BUT.  I did think it was well written!  ha!  (pat myself on the back)  I've written about this in several ways in the past but I thought I'd share a serendipitously well-written comment:

I want to insert an idea that I have never seen. I’m pretty new to the bloggy thing so I may not be going to the right places. I apologize ahead of time to incorrect or innappropriate uses of terms. . . please just read my heart.

As an adoptive parent (internationally,) I have lived through the trauma that my child went through, and I believe, many children go through when transferred from first mom to foster mom to foster mom to adoptive mom.

I believe some of the pain that the adopted feel can be explained neurologically. I believe, as many therapists and AP do, that the children, yes, even infants, are traumatized by the separation from their (in their mind) moms, over and over again. The bond of birth is torn, then the bond of trust that the infant develops with the next carer is broken, then broken again. Depending on the child’s internal temperament, this trauma can cause neurological damage. This was true of my son. I hope none of you find this hard to believe, because anybody who has lived through trauma can become altered neurologically (PTSD, depression, anxiety, etc.)

There is a special kind of horror at seeing an infant screaming in terror and horror after being taken from his carer. That pumping of “bad” chemicals into his sytem for months…years…can wreak havoc emotionally, mentally and physically. Had I not been made aware of this phenomenon and sought the right therapies and parental methods, I cannot imagine how he would be today. And, what kind of adult he would become, thinking that the world was a dangerous, unpredictable, uncaring place, where the safety-ness (safety nest) can disappear at any time.

Adoption is rife with the complexities that you all are blogging and commenting about – and I cannot remove the fact that his first mom, for whatever reasons and forces, “gave him away.” I cannot erase my unborn dead baby, her relinquished baby, or his lost parents. But I can give him a level playing field of being as neurotypical as possible, retraining his brain to rewire disrupted development.

Adoption has been going on since forever.  (highly accurate terminology) I talk about the trauma aspect.  But do you know about coercions?  profiteering? selling babies?  buying babies?  false documents?  outright lies to your face?  Innapropriate.  (understatement)

3 comments:

rosemary said...

Good post. I totally agree. Neurological realities are definitely present for adoptees in many situations. We the parents have to be vigilant on their behalf.

Christine said...

It IS well written Grace and it is truth so maybe someone was blessed to hear that truth.

Lora said...

you may know this (or you may not) but there have been brain studies on newborn babies slated for adoption and their wiring is even different hours after birth than babies who are not intended to be adopted.

So, yes. You are correct.

Babies who aren't carried by birth mothers who intend to keep them are shown to be traumatized by their prenatal experiences. And of course, the mother's biological mental health (meaning bi-polar and schizo-typical stuff that can be measured scientifically), nutrition, and substance use has been controlled for.

It's like those babies just know. Or, maybe there are some neural connections that aren't able to be made without a bonding hormone or something. I didn't read the study summary, I've just seen it referenced to several times in the lit we have to read for Professional Development classes.