Bed time is our special time. When all my wrangling and warning and advising and holding back and counting to 3 are over. It's just mommy-and-boy-time.

I've babied him for the babying he missed. Those months . . .years . . . when the world was uncertain and scary. Oh, he still has to say please and thank you and share his toys and chew with his mouth closed. The few times he still wants to be fed, I do. When he wants to be cradled, I do. He won't want it for long. He still needs to be filled up cuz he ran on empty for too long.

Shouldn't every baby be filled to over-running? As in "my cup runneth over," the stone cup should be filled to the brim and the stone saturated.

I used to sing to him every night. Childhood Korean songs: Children's Band. Kiss Kiss Kiss. And then Jesus Loves Me. Seek Ye First. He's Got the Whole World. Then one night he decided he didn't want songs anymore. [Must have understood "bad voice."] Last night he wanted me to sing. Not to him, but to his tigers. Big cats, his latest obsession.

Tiger tiger tiger all in a row
Daddy tiger, mommy tiger too
Baby tiger follows very slow
Tiger tiger tiger all in a row

Silly silly tigers they like shoes
Mommy tiger likes pink, Daddy tiger black
Baby tiger likes blue
and that is that

He giggled and smiled, thumb in his mouth. Pure delight of a child. No manipulation, no criticism, no rejection. So normal. Oh what a great world normal is, when your child isn't.

I've been pushing him to be more of a big boy. Set the table. Dry himself after a bath instead of curling him up on my lap. I mean, he's already 7.

Already? Is it too much for me to try to make up for what he lost? Am I simply tired of playing baby doll? Sometimes my heart just knows. Sometimes it flounders.


mamawhelming said...

Big boy or little boy, he's such a blessed boy to have you as his mother.

Julie said...

Oh how I wish we were neighbors. Sarah, my 7yo, loves big cats. Takes library books out about them. She used to be obsessed with firefighters too. When she saw your picture of all the trucks with their ladders up on FB she was completely awed by the sight. I know that Boo and Sarah would be best of friends. Some day I hope that we will meet. So many things to discuss and compare notes on.

Anonymous said...

Baby him for as long as you can. He'll tell you when he doesn't need it. Sometimes even big boys need to be held and rocked, and just loved by their moms.