1.08.2010

Henny Penny

When we were first married, we lived in what might be laughably called a small city.  Not just a small city, but the outskirts of a small city way out in the country.  It was on a knoll that used to be all farmland.  Ours was an out building that had been added to and added to, all constructed by the owner himself.  It was a house nailed and glued together with Masonite . . . and cardboard.  When he ran out of baseboard, he just . . . stopped.  Every room was covered with wood panel-look Masonite.  Each room was a different color.

For me to have moved into that house with my new husband showed the extent of my love fore him.  Me, who would go camping only at the Hilton.

The house sat on 3-1/2 acres, backed up against wooded game land with horse trails.  Every once in awhile, I could hear the clop-clop of someone going for a ride.  Having been farmland, the soil was dark and lush.  My husband spent years nurturing the long-forgotten plants and bringing back the array of plants that abounded on the property.  I would go out in the Spring and Summer to cut huge boquets of annuals and you'd never know any had been taken.

I'm afraid of being in nature.  I am sure that an axe murderer lurks out there, who will get me and leave my corpse to rot.  Let me say again:

For me to have moved into that house with my new husband showed the extent of my love fore him.

I'd rise at 5:30 am...or try.  I'd drag myself out of bed in the dark and get ready for my 48-mile commute to work.  I ran late more often than not and would come crashing out of the driveway and speed down our country road.  My hair was often damp and my lipstick not on.

One day, I patted the top of my damp head because my hair felt out of place, like it was touching the roof of my car.

It felt furry.

I SCREEEEEEEEAAMED, careened the car practically into a ditch, threw the door open and shook my head like a mad woman.  Something fell out of my hair and onto the road side.  A Wolf Spider.



You all know there's another cold spell sweeping the country, especially across the South. In Alabama, it's so cold the Iguana are falling out of trees. These cold-blooded creatures get so cold, they're dropping out of trees like popsicles.

IGUANAS.

The sky is falling.

6 comments:

Amy said...

There aren't expletives colorful enough that I will say...that is horrifying. I can't believe you didn't crash your car.

AmyP said...

I love being out in nature, but wolf spiders are creepy. And infinitely more so when they are on your head! How long from the spider incident to you moving?

Haley said...

I would have crashed the car...and had a heart attack in the process...and probably peed my pants. Good job not crashing the car in the process of freaking out. You are a better woman than I!

Lora said...

I don't mind being in nature, but I don't like nature being in my space.

And all the axe murderers live in the country, fo sho.

A friend of mine lives in Bala, and I always tell her that there are places in her yard where bad guys can hide. Behind the shed, behind the line of trees.

"Not here!" She always said. Until one day she came home and a SWAT team had her house cordoned off.

The bad guy was back there somewhere.

melissa said...

my heart is still not beating after reading that.

Amy said...

Sorry, the only people I ever knew who were murdered were in plain ol' suburbia.