3.09.2010

Spectrum

*
I looked up at her, hoping.

She is a young woman, still wearing the plumpness of two pregnancies.  A pretty face, cheerful.  Sharp eyes.  Like she'd actually remember the things I have to say, that she would think they mattered.

She says she loves her Asperger kids the best.  Twelve years in social work, seeing mostly  Spectrum kids.  And today, she sat in my living room, having played for an hour with my son.

My son, who laughs too loud, jumps too much, whose middle name could be Fidget.  My son, who feels the world too hard, the hand dryers blowing a tunnel through his head, the vacuum a monster seeking to blast him away.  My son, whose world is too loud, too bright.  My son, whose fingers are on fire, legs filled with tops, insides swirling to explosion.

She, this young woman, MSW in tow, is the next step for my son.  Holding, sleeping, attachment parenting, therapy, speech, neuro.  The next step: for this woman to see him, get him.  I want her to see his sparkle in the spectrum. 

I looked up at her, "Please, love my child."

Please, don't be disappointed in him, the way I am, every day.

*

8 comments:

Haley said...

"I want her to see his sparkle in the spectrum." A perfect line. So many feelings behind this...

a Tonggu Momma said...

Oh, I know... so many thoughts and feelings after reading this.

Lora said...

she won't be. I'll be she'll be amazed by him. With him.

Amy said...

I bet I would love him.

bren said...

I get it

Donna B said...

Just want you to know you all are in my thoughts...It's a tough job, this parenting, isn't it? You're a great mom and don't you forget it!

Musings of a Housewife said...

He is so lucky to have you. *I* love him. I am sure she will too. :-)

incognitomom said...

She will love him. I only know him through your blog but I love him and I love you.

And that last line. It hit me like a ton of bricks because I thought I was the only one who felt that way. Parenting isn't easy. We need to let go of how we thought it would be and just learn to enjoy what it is. You are a great mother and Boo is a great little boy. I have learned that I need to step back and view my child with the same eyes I view other's children. I'm so much harder on him and myself. It feels like there is so much at stake some days and the weight of it all can be cruel and crushing. He will make his way in this world and you will love him no matter what the journey brings. Always remember that.