I usually don't do this kind of rambly this-is-my-life kind of post, but today, I just feel rambly and this-is-my-lifey. A little dithery and flighty, too. If you know me in real life, I am so not flighty. Cotton-brained, but not flighty. As a friend of mine said, "Don't underestimate the power of the cotton brain." I need a t-shirt with that on. If I believed in slogan t-shirts.

Today is my birthday. As my present, I am having a party on Saturday. I can't think of anything better than being with a bunch of girlfriends and yacking away the evening. Well, being with HH would be better, but you know what I mean. BTW, if you're reading this blog and you live near me, come on over! Chinese food at 6:30! I totally mean it. Boo can't seem to understand that the party IS my present. He keeps asking, "But what's your present?" This morning, he came to me all crazy-haired and no-pantsed and said "I know what can be a part of your present!! Lots of HUGS!" Those are the moments, aren't they?

So I'm keeping a stiff upper-lip an' all, but if you look in my eyes and ask me how I'm doing, I'll get all blubbery and start to weep. I mean, I love my life. I love that I'm wiser, I love my husband, I love our house, I love our little warty town. We're healthy. My hiney's sore from going roller-skating with Boo the other night and HH and I have various health annoyances, but nothing life-threatening. Praise. The. Lord. But maybe, maybe. Maybe I covet this life. Maybe I don't want it to end. You know, Death is the enemy. My pastor said that to me the other week and as long as I've been a Christian, I've never thought of it that way. We say "death and taxes," but death is not natural, from a Christian point of view, that is. I can't speak for the other religions. But God created us (Adam and Eve) to dwell with him forever in paradise (the Garden.) It was only by eating the fruit that made us die. Not drop dead right there at the trunk of the tree, but death would come to us. And don't ask me why God let evil in. Remember, this is going to be flighty and rambly.

The other reason, if I will admit it, is that I have regrets. I live my life living for today and looking for tomorrow - glass half full - but really? Honestly? I have regrets. I wish I had studied harder. I was one of those annoying people that studied just hard enough to get A's and B's. And get awards. And go to an Ivy League university. And get a Masters degree. I'm not bragging, because what did I have to do with inheriting a big brain from my PhD father?!? I think it's the fact that I was given this mind and that I sqandered it that makes me all the sadder. Many regrets aren't even my fault, but I am still sad about them. Molested, put down, misunderstood. Its only in my 40's that I've gotten it together. How much more glorious my life could have been.

So, I confess: 1) I covet this life, and though I don't like to think about it, 2) I wish I had lived a freer, more joyous life. I know, I know "This is the first day of the rest of your life."

Oh and one other thing. I now have wrinkles. My cancer scare and HH's health problems aged me 10 years. That totally sucks. Whew - this post is really depressing. I'm still told I look like I'm in my 30's, so maybe that's credential enough to post my How To Stay Young list:
1. Genetics: get birth parents that age well. My dad is in the middle and he's 80. The guy on the right is like 20 years younger.

2. Birth Order: be born last. Your family will always treat you as the baby, and you will always act like one.

3. Marriage: marry an "oldest." He will always act the oldest and adore you and take responsibility for all sorts of stuff so you can lay around and watch TV. Or blog.

4. Appearance: try to stay hip. But not too hip. You don't want someone getting close to you and realize "OMG, she's old!" Like Clinton and Stacey say: no miniskirts after 35. And as a male friend said: No bare midriffs after 18. OK, 20.

5. Expressions: be very animated with your facial muscles so you look like a little kid while you talk.

I'll take the tongue outta my cheek now. Have a good day.



grace said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You look great and a inspiration for me! Sorry I will be out of town for your party.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Sexy Momma! great Blog.

rosemary said...

Happy Birthday! Another thing will keep people young is: Be a middle child and marry a middle child. You will spend your whole life together making each happy and feeling blessed by anything that comes along!

Jen said...

I love it Grace! You are amazing :) I am the baby and married an 'oldest' but my genetics suck...2/3 aint bad!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Girlfriend!! Have a wonderful party...don't tempt me to drive down there for it either!


Lora said...

well Happy Birthday!

and about the whole death thing, I always (try to) say: you were probably really scared to be born, and that didn't turn out so bad.

Musings of a Housewife said...

LOL. Thanks for ending on a happy note. I was about to go get a drink, there for a while. Happy Birthday! And you know, getting old sucks, as my mother always says. But then she says, think about the alternative. Not that we don't want to be in heaven, but long life is a blessing. And you, my dear, are blessed. Looking forward to Saturday!

sarah said...

Happy Birthday! I would love to come but I have the girls since Brian is working on a project at his parents. Can pre-teens come?

Let me know. I would love to come help celebrate you!

OTRgirl said...

Thanks for commenting on my blog! I've enjoyed reading about you. Happy Birthday! Your Dad does look remarkable. As a white woman with very fair skin, I'm already whining to my Asian husband that he's going to age much better than me. Bad genetics. Sigh.

I'm an oldest married to an oldest. Also an extrovert married to an introvert. Two patterns that are notorious for conflict! We've managed to make it work, but your system sounds much better.