I was deeply humbled one Wednesday morning. Our little church has a little Bible Study every week. There are 5 of us when everyone makes it. It's intimate, gives everyone a chance to speak and an opportunity to share ourselves in ways that perhaps a larger group wouldn't.
I was sharing an anecdote, and in passing I mentioned that I could never be "an Elizabeth Elliott," when 2 of the women said "I think you're selling yourself short. You don't know what God has for you." I glossed over it then but as I thought about it later on, I was stung with embarrassment. Over these weeks, as it has been percolating in my heart, and as I pondered the 1 Corinthian passage below, I realized something shocking.
I do not want to give Him my all. I do not want Him to grow me as He wants. I love my life, meaning I covet this world. I finally like myself pretty well and though in itself is constructive, it's become a god to me. I like where I am and the (slow) rate I'm going. It's like I have the coaster brakes on. It brings to mind a previous post in which I share this:
I read a poem of sorts somewhere, that said something like this: I don't
want a God that is strong and powerful, I only want 50 cents worth. Not
enough to make me rich and fulfilled, but just 50 cents worth - just enough
to hold in my hand and put away in my pocket when I want to.
No more braking. I'd rather be flying.