All of Me

I was deeply humbled one Wednesday morning. Our little church has a little Bible Study every week. There are 5 of us when everyone makes it. It's intimate, gives everyone a chance to speak and an opportunity to share ourselves in ways that perhaps a larger group wouldn't.
I was sharing an anecdote, and in passing I mentioned that I could never be "an Elizabeth Elliott," when 2 of the women said "I think you're selling yourself short. You don't know what God has for you." I glossed over it then but as I thought about it later on, I was stung with embarrassment. Over these weeks, as it has been percolating in my heart, and as I pondered the 1 Corinthian passage below, I realized something shocking.

I do not want to give Him my all. I do not want Him to grow me as He wants. I love my life, meaning I covet this world. I finally like myself pretty well and though in itself is constructive, it's become a god to me. I like where I am and the (slow) rate I'm going. It's like I have the coaster brakes on. It brings to mind a previous post in which I share this:

I read a poem of sorts somewhere, that said something like this: I don't
want a God that is strong and powerful, I only want 50 cents worth. Not
enough to make me rich and fulfilled, but just 50 cents worth - just enough
to hold in my hand and put away in my pocket when I want to.

No more braking. I'd rather be flying.



Musings of a Housewife said...

I like where I am too. It's really hard to give up that comfort. But what I've learned is that God doesn't wait for me to give it over. Sometimes he just steps in and takes away my comfort zone. And I'm always glad for what I take away from those situations, but they are HARD.

blackbelt_oma said...

You are right. Thankfully He doesn't wait for me but does things in His time.