Clean Up Good

This is not a blog about housekeeping. Or poor English. The title is as in "Don't I clean up good??" After almost 6 years of being a full-time stay-at-home-mom, I am dipping my toes into the icy cold waters of corporate America. I had an interview Monday morning at 8:30 AM. (Ha! makes it sound like I'm a morning person!)

I had a cute, trendy outfit picked out and made the mistake of asking HH what he thought. He was quiet. Not a good sign. He said it was better to err on the side of overdressing than under. I say it was a mistake to ask, because he was right. Always is. Dang.

So there I am, at 7:30, trying to pick out another outfit. And this is how the process went. I got the only skirt I can still fit into - the red silk number you see. Then I put on the only summer dressy top I could find - the b/w silk knit. Fortunately I have this great red bag with gold trim, and appropriate gold jewelry. And I was set.

Here's the thing, though. I didn't freak out and beat myself up (or anyone else) because I'm the heaviest I've every been in my life. I didn't bemoan how aweful I look and why don't I have the perfect clothes to wear? God's healing power, His wisdom, age, experience and lots of therapy! have allowed me to appreciate where I am and eschew the frivolous.

Yes, I sometimes (often) still fuss over frivolous issues. And yes, I was annoyed about the clothes. But I was annoyed that I had 30 minutes to put together a new outfit. I wasn't annoyed at my HH, who was, as I said, RIGHT. Again. (Are you reading this, Sweetie?) Nor was I annoyed that I was "fat." I looked back at myself these decades and see how at every stage, every age, no matter how good I looked, that I thought of myself as imperfect somehow. Very imperfect. So why keep berating myself over it? As I said, I am the heaviest I've ever been. But you know what? I may be even heavier next year...or I may get a terminal disease...or have some other tragedy befall me.

So what am I going to do? I am going to stop complaining and putting myself down about imperfect physical attributes. I am going to rejoice in today.

And then I'm heading to the gym.

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