So why do I yell at my kid? My one. My only.
Why do I drudge up painful memories from my past? Why can't I let go?
Why do I get angry at little things? I mean disproportionately angry.
My little Boo is just awesome. My HH is terrific. Our life is sweet. So why? Why do I have these ugly feelings? It's easy to say "because I am sinful." It's true. But what does that really mean? Well, it's what I've lived through (nurture) in combination with the being I am (nature.) I am very sensitive. I notice the colors, the sounds, the attitudes all around me. I have a pretty vivid imagination that tends to fill up my head with ugly thoughts. I took insults to heart and couldn't let go. I internalized sinful attitudes that I didn't know I had! If I thought someone was bothersome, in fact, it was that buttons were pushed inside me. Buttons I didn't know I had.
Sin. The Original kind, pervades our core, every molecule and sphere of our being. The Original Sin became specific in my mom, my dad, me, neighbors, strangers, my body chemicals, and so on. My adoption into God's Kingdom shows me where I'll go in the end, but I need a map to get around here! Where's the map in dealing with rude clerks, my son's annoying habits, drudgery, hormones?
Stay with me. I'm getting to my point.
The Spirit will lead you on your walk, as you are made more like Him. He will lead you where you need to go: a friend, a stranger, a trial. King David asked for God to show him his sins.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in (your) weakness."
- 2 Corinthians 12:9
Don't be afraid to be weak. It would only be admitting the truth. The Spirit can also lead you to a doctor or a therapist. He lead me there and my map is clearer than ever.
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